Zoriah, Creative Commons
Well-written poetry seems an art of the heart,
Requiring exploration of catacombs and tombs; dark, hidden rooms,
Only possible by the grace and prod of God. And trust.
Now I understand the uniform,
Gear, worn to give courage to fear.
Enveloping mined gold in curtains and folds,
Disguise of the wary wise.
Today’s assignment: trust, internal rhyme, acrostic.
Busy day today, little time for revisions unless I ponder as I go. Would really love your suggestions, though.
P.S. This is why I don’t write poetry… it’s scary down there. Plus, I kinda’ stink at it. But I do like to read yours.
“rendered by” I think, it speaks more than the other and resonate more to “tomb” and “hidden”
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Thank you. I like the idea of rendered better, too, but using requiring lets me remove “by the”, which I think messes up the rhythm. Maybe I’ll come up with a third option… Thank you for taking the time to give your preference. It helps.
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I think this is very good poetry. How about “required by”? It’s an interesting twist. I think required is more cutting mentally than rendered.
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Thank you for your feedback TEG. “More cutting mentally”, I like that.
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Nice one! Difficult choice – “Requiring” seems more ‘direct’ but like the subtlety of “rendered by” as per the comment above. Prefer your choice! 🙂
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Thanks for your help! I changed “Writing” to “Well-written” and landed on “Requiring”. Now I better quit and get in the shower. Lots to do today. Oh, but first I’ll go read yours. 🙂
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Glad you resolved it for yourself! Hope you enjoy mine! 🙂 Have a great day!
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Much better than I would do!
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Thanks Wally!
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“I climbed a ladder into a well,
I poured myself a glass of fire
took a backwards step,
yet surged onward
moved…
beyond sight
crept into the light of day,
slid swift under a veil of night.
I poured a glass of sand
stoked embers of imagination
a glass
of solid glass
now heavy in my hand….”
That was fun, reminded of a poem entitled “a glass”
that I wrote over twenty years ago,
the image used triggered my reaction.
if you’d like the rest of it just let me know:)
a.g.
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Yes, I would like the rest of it. Thank you a.g. (You might have to explain it to me though).
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i wrote this while at a wedding reception staring at all the crystal glasses, filled with different colors in various measures of fullness/emptiness on the table and having fallen into a deep meditation thinking about the living contradiction I was, the utter fraud to my wife and family and friends, In contrast to the pristine sparkling, how much I did not deserve to be seated where I was, to be a part of this there and then. I was assailed by truth and this poem was the result of it. The best I could do at the time with what I was experiencing and attempting to explain what was speaking to me so clearly but i just couldn’t accept or i guess acknowledge it at the time. I was kinda’ irretrievably lost inside i firmly believed.
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I like the full version and your recitation of it. Thank you.
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