A Little Something for Your Abs

David and Dorothy Jenkin..., Creative Commons

David and Dorothy Jenkin…, Creative Commons

Want a quick and fun workout for your abs?  Read yesterday’s post from Momastery.

I’ll get you started:

My philosophy about sex talks with kids is to be open, honest and matter-of-fact, so they won’t sense that shame and sex are intertwined and so, when they do become interested in exploring their sexuality, they might be motivated by love instead of blind curiosity. I want them to take sex seriously enough to know it’s holy. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

My reality is that I AM STILL LEARNING THAT STUFF. This makes me a shaky-at-best sex teacher. So whenever my kids ask about sex- I panic and then just start saying crap. I just start saying all the things. Far too many things, Craig suggests. Last night I was sitting at dinner, minding my own business, when my middle child said the following words:

“So, how you get a baby is you pray for one, right?”

Craig’s fork froze mid-air and I looked at him and then at my girl and I just wanted to yell: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, CHILD???  Don’t you remember when I said all the hard words like penis and vagina and union and consent to you???? PRAY? SWEET JESUS ON A BICYCLE — DOES NO ONE IN THIS DOMICILE HEAR THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF MY MOUTH?????

But I did not say those things because I am an official, card-carrying Parenting Expert. And so I said:

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9 thoughts on “A Little Something for Your Abs

  1. You are just Mom, they tune you out like Dad, and sometimes when they have a wicked sense of humor they bait you – at least mine did. I always got even with them, when their friends came over.


  2. i had a poem…right there at the tip of my mind, I was just about to pen it…but…but…then I came here by some strange urging and read this post…I am now back to muttering to myself under my breath and swatting after invisible flys’ after all that therapy and medication and years how easily undone.


            • Maybe you have to be a mom, or maybe you have to be the mom of the kind of girl who would say, ““Well, Mom, I am imagining that my head is a house. Way up here is the attic. I am going to put that story about the … and the … and the plastic containers up here in the attic. I’ll know it’s up there if I need it, but I don’t want to see it out laying around the house. Okay?” or maybe you have to be a mom who talks to kids about purity, but I thought it was hilarious.

              Here’s a couple of slices of my life:

              A local Christian school asked me to come and talk to their fifth grade girls. One of the girls was sexually active and rumors and misinformation were flying. Since none of the teachers were brave enough to broach the subject, they asked me if I would do it. So I did. Gently. I gave an age-appropriate, no-gory-details explanation of why God placed sex within the exclusivity and protection of marriage. I explained how the reproductive system works – with the emphasis on God’s engineering genius. The girls nodded in understanding. Everything was cool, my job was done. And then, as I was getting ready to leave, one of the girls raised her hand and asked, “But if the sperm is in the man, how does it get into the woman?” I glanced at the teacher. She gave me a nod that said, “Go for it.” So I explained very briefly how the sperm gets into the woman. Then I said, “But you don’t need all the details now because you and your husband will be able to figure it out on your wedding night.” Another girl gasped, “WEDDING NIGHT?” Do you have to do it on your wedding night? I mean, why spoil a perfectly beautiful day?” As I was suggesting that she might feel differently by then, I could see the wheels turning in the head of another girl. She was doing the math. Then she said, “There are four kids in our family, does that mean my parents have done it four times?” I smiled, “At least.”

              Then there was the girl in the large middle school youth group. At one point I casually mentioned that some viruses, like HPV, can be transmitted orally. Enough said – I figured the ones who knew what I was talking about would be warned, for everyone else that bit of info could go happily over their heads. After my final talk, the girl’s mother told me that her daughter would tell her everything she learned on the car ride home from church each Sunday night. She loved all my presentations and learned a lot. One night, though, her daughter turned to her in the car and said, “There’s only one thing that worries me: it’s the disease you can get from talking.” It took the mom a few minutes to figure out what the girl was talking about, but once she did they had a really good mother/daughter talk. God bless her sweet, innocent heart.


              • I’m still cringing at fifth grade…you are a brave soul my dear. I drove a school bus and lasted six months. I’ve done some poetry presentations in high schools and participated in a demonstration of slam poetry as well as reading in libraries and a few variety talent shows. You know…I think there might be some merit to the disease from “talking?” Maybe she gets it better than most adults do:)

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