life

A No Diego, Slows & Astro Day

The Diego Rivera exhibit is cheaper if you go on a Friday, but it is impossible to get a parking spot anywhere near the art museum – or anywhere in the city at all – on a weekday.  Every lot, every garage is full.

So after squeezing my Escape through the torn up, road-construction-narrowed streets and failing repeatedly to find a spot, we abandoned our plan and headed to lunch.

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I had been wanting to try this place.  It did not disappoint.

A few doors down was a groovy coffee shop and you know how the daughter and I love the groovy coffee.

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It was while I was eating my half of our sea-salted, hazelnut, chocolate chip cookie and sipping my mocha that Daughter pulled out her phone and had me read this quote:

When we speak of the wife obeying the husband, we normally think of obedience in military or political terms: the husband giving orders, and the wife obeying them. But while this type of obedience may he appropriate in the army, it is ridiculous in the intimate relationship of marriage. The obedient wife does not wait for orders. Rather, she tries to discern her husband’s needs and feelings, and responds in love. When she sees her husband is weary, she encourages him to rest; when she sees him agitated, she soothes him; when he is ill, she nurses and comforts him; when he is happy and elated, she shares his joy. Yet such obedience should not be confined to the wife; the husband should be obedient in the same way. When she is weary, he should relieve her of her work; when she is sad, he should cherish her, holding her gently in his arms; when she is filled with good cheer, he should also share her good cheer. Thus a good marriage is not a matter of one partner obeying the other, but of both partners obeying each other.  – St John Chrysostom 

“Yeah, that’s pretty good,” I said, “but I think he could have just said, ‘Obedience has no place in the intimate relationship of marriage’ and left it at that.  Because good marriages don’t talk about or define mutual respect and consideration, they just naturally do it.”

But being young and not yet married, she liked that someone spelled out the fact that marriage is a two way street.  Because so often godly Christians insist that the only godly street is a one way street.

In the car on the way home she said, “Maybe I shouldn’t urge you to play it so safe in your writing.”

And then she read a quote from Anne Lamott:

“If something inside of you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act—truth is always subversive.”  – Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life

“Right,” I said, “because the whole beauty of me is that I don’t need to be liked. I’ll still run some of my posts by you for your yawn-o-meter, but I won’t let your people-pleasing nature stifle me anymore.  Someone has to be a voice for the people who think like me, even if we are only 1% of the population.”

Solidarity INFJ sisters.  And brothers.

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7 thoughts on “A No Diego, Slows & Astro Day

  1. Something I like to point out is that the verse in Ephesains 5 that tells women to submit to their husbands is set in the matrix of the filling of the Holy Spirit; that the verse that precedes “Women submit” says that we are to submit to ONE ANOTHER as is proper in Jesus Christ. The way that works in a Holy-Spirit-filled marriage is that she puts him first, and he puts her first. So simple, and we’ve made such a mess of it. Do I submit to Terry? Yes, of course. Sometimes there has to be a final decision, and I have no problem giving him that respect BECAUSE he loves me sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. Nothing held back. It’s hard to be resentful when your husband gets it right about 99% of the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Very good! I LOVED every bit of what you wrote, and so did my daughter, until you hit the final say. We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. I wonder which member of the trinity has the final say, now that Jesus is back on His throne.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Probably not the best choice of words; I honestly would have a hard time remembering a situation in which we disagreed and he TOOK the final say; it’s more a matter of my choosing to give him the respect I believe he deserves.

        It is my understanding that only the Father knows the moment of Jesus’ return to earth; maybe that’s a good example of Who has the last word 🙂

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        • The time of Jesus’ return is a really good example. I don’t think anyone really takes the final say in a good, healthy marriage. I think people just yield to one another depending on who has the expertise or responsibility for that particular thing; or they do nothing until they agree down the line.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I own that book of Ms. Lamott and love it. I also love your daughter’s “yawn-o-meter”! My youngest daughter is one of my proof readers. She’s good at it. She’s also a better writer than I, but does not know it…yet.
    Love the picture of the coffee shop.
    I can’t really comment on the marriage thing, but it reminds me of something I heard a nun say. She was explaining that to be a nun means to be married to God. She went on to say that if there is a problem in her marriage…it’s her. 🙂

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  3. Julie, that was wonderful! I love how you stated that “good marriages don’t talk about or define mutual respect and consideration, they just naturally do it.” And I love the quote about saying honestly what we feel as our truth regardless if we meet the expectations of others. We have the responsibility to be unliked in order to let our truth speak… or it wouldn’t be the truth anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

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