life

The Devil Worship that is the Modern Dating Scene

My daughter came home from an enjoyable day of work yesterday with something to report. She had lunch with two co-workers – Becca, a 23-year-old who is well on her way to becoming engaged, and Camille, a 26-year-old who is single and wanting desperately to be married.

Camille lamented that her mom and others keep telling her she is too picky, that she’ll never find a husband that way. She was singing my daughter’s song. As the two of them commiserated and considered reassessing their standards, Becca chimed in:

“Don’t change!  Stay picky!”

She closed her eyes and paused for a second to come up with a descriptor powerful enough to convey how passionately she felt, then continued with gusto:

“Stay pure and untainted by the DEVIL WORSHIP that is the modern dating scene!”

God bless them all.

Later my daughter added that Camille’s mom often tells Camille that she is looking for someone like her dad and, unfortunately, they don’t make men like him anymore.

“So, great, Camille’s mom got a great husband but too bad for Camille.”

“I don’t think that’s what her mom meant,” I said. “I don’t think she was saying they don’t make good men anymore, I think she was saying men are different now, they’re more girly.” (My daughter knows that by girly I mean hip and metrosexual.)

“There’s nothing wrong with girly men,” my daughter interjected.

“I know, and I know you like girly men, but if Camille’s dad is a manly man and that is what Camille is looking for, she might not find him. I think that’s what her mom was trying to say. They don’t make good manly men anymore, but that doesn’t mean they don’t make good girly men.”

There are still good men out there, they’re just a different kind of good.  Right?

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8 thoughts on “The Devil Worship that is the Modern Dating Scene

  1. Alma Mater says:

    The internet just ate my comment! Here is the gist, again:

    I am of two minds here. I don’t like the way our culture devalues traditionally masculine traits. I see “girly” young men who are more concerned with a perpetual adolescence and a good time than they are with preparing themselves to be husbands and fathers.

    On the other hand, I do see “manly” young men in conservative Christian circles, but sometimes I wonder if their expectation to provide for their family means that they believe their future wife’s role to be of less value than theirs. (Look at Josh Duggar — he was raised to expect courtship over dating, but it did not teach him to respect women or even to treat them as more than sex objects/household help/baby-makers).

    I am trying to raise young men who are “manly” in that they expect to provide for their future families, and also “manly” enough to respect and honour their wives. I want my children to see the homemaker as providing as valuable a function as the financial provider.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good Morning Alma. I know what you are saying about our current culture enabling perpetual adolescence, but I wouldn’t pair that with “girly”, since perpetual adolescence isn’t necessarily a girl thing.

      Over the decades, popular culture has depicted masculinity as beer drinking, womanizing, genital scratching crudeness. In the past real men were not allowed to cry or show any kind of a soft side.

      My daughter defines a “manly” man as one who likes hunting, fishing, sports, etc. and she defines a “girly” man as one who has an artistic sensibility. Both types can be masculine.

      I define masculinity as the desire and ability to take responsibility and honor commitments; to provide for and protect one’s family – a definition that easily encompasses both types of men.

      Perpetual adolescence is also seen in both types of men.

      My daughter has an artistic sensibility, so she prefers men who do, too.

      I’m glad our culture sees both types of men as perfectly acceptable. Now we just have to figure out how to reverse this perpetual adolescence trend.

      Oh, and do they have this Kleenex commercial in Canada? LOVE it!

      https://youtu.be/8LnuWQgL7Wg

      Like

  2. Alma Mater says:

    That commercial is awesome! Now that is a manly little guy!

    And that’s exactly what I mean by manly. We don’t know whether the little boy in that commercial prefers hunting or art, but his hobbies and temperament are irrelevant. His character is what makes him “manly.”

    I think I misunderstood our working definition of “girly.” I don’t think there’s anything more manly about fishing than art. My definition of manly. like your definition of masculinity, has more to do with responsibility. Beer-swilling is definitely not part of it, and I don’t see hunting and fishing as any more or less “manly” than art and literature.

    I consider my husband a “manly” type, based on his character, rather than his hobbies. He doesn’t drink beer or play football, and he’s never hunted in his life. He works in an office, likes to jog, but these things don’t make him manly or not. He is He is honest and diligent and responsible. He devotes the vast majority of his free time with his family. These things make him manly.

    When I think of girly, as in hip, metrosexual, I wasn’t so much thinking of hobbies or interests so much as the desire to stay on top of fashions and trends. I see young men who are more interested in their dress and appearance than their character.

    And lest you think I perceive this shallow behaviour as feminine, I don’t. This kind of perpetual adolescence is as bad is women as it is in men. I don’t want my girls to be “girly” girls, either, but to have womanly character. Proverbs 31 vs. Delilah.

    I think our culture has overemphasized a stereotype of young girls as shallow and overly-concerned with their appearance, and as life imitates art, we begin to live up to the hype. And now we are doing the same thing to young men.

    But I certainly don’t think there’s anything wrong with an artistic temperament or interests. I didn’t know that’s what we were referring to by “girly.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Metrosexual = A young, urban heterosexual male with an interest in fashion and a refined sense of taste.
      Girly man – as my daughter and I coined it = any male who is more brain than brawn – kinda’; who prefers an afternoon at an art museum to an afternoon at a sporting event.

      Did you see the movie “Cinderella Man”? When the headlines dubbed Jim Braddock “The Cinderella Man,” his wife, Mae said, “Ohhh, I like that. It’s kinda’ girly.” THAT’s a girly man – someone who is definitely masculine, but kinda’ girly.

      Like

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