Experts say the minimum age to allow your children to start dating is 16. Those who start dating before they are 16 are much more likely to become sexually active before graduating from high school than those who start dating after age 16.
But I gave my daughter something better than a minimum age, back when she was in high school, I gave her a minimum standard. I told her she could start dating when she was mature enough to hold another person’s heart in her hands without wrecking it.
It takes a lot of love and maturity to be truly careful with someone’s heart.
I wish ALL mommas would teach their children to hold hearts with the utmost care.
To not use and abuse.
To not bide their time in a “lie.”
To see the holding of another’s heart as a precious, sacred privilege.
I wish ALL young men would take the same care that my daughter takes.
My friend Dale used to say that he could tell within 3 dates whether a woman was right for him. If he wasn’t feeling “it” by the third date he would end things right then, before the woman’s heart became attached.
By “it” he meant potential marriage.
If most men know within 3 dates whether or not a woman is right for them, then anything beyond a third date is just plain selfish.
And reckless.
Because you can’t detach an attached heart without doing some damage, without leaving some scar tissue.
It seems so unfair that a beautiful, kindhearted young woman, who has always held the hearts of others so carefully, has had her own heart smashed into a thousand pieces.
The only thing that comes close to the excruciating, soul-crushing pain of a breakup is watching someone you love walk through it.
Even when you can see a bright future ahead.
Next time a young man comes along I’m going to want to advise her to bail after the third date. Make him work for it. Make him prove he really wants her before she allows him into her heart.
I’m going to want to build a protective hedge around her.
But then I’ll think about my husband and how impressed I was that he was brave enough to open his heart to me after all he had been through.
And I’ll remember that Jesus knows something about giving one’s heart to the reckless, the clueless, the unworthy.
And yet He keeps taking the risk.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
Light & life 
That is a beautiful post. Yes, I think it is not about a certain age but about the knowing about the responsibility when we invite someone into our hearts.
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Thank you kindhearted Erika. ❤
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As you are…. 💖
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Oh, your lovely daughter is so close to my heart today. Please tell her that I just prayed for her now, and that will be continuing to pray for her through my day, as the Lord brings her to mind… which will be often, I’m sure. My own road to finding my wonderful husband was so very rocky, I just empathize so much.(Although she is much wiser than I was, and the solid teaching you’ve given her will help guide her footsteps from the many and varied pitfalls that I stumbled into!) I am praying the Lord’s comfort and healing for her heart, and for him to hurry up and send her the one who will cherish her heart as his own!
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Thank you, Alma, I’ll share your kind words with her when she returns home from work this evening. Your kindness, love, prayers and caring have brought tears to my eyes. I’m sure they will touch her heart as well.
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I’m taking a break from doing dishes to praise God for rewarding your loving heart with a great husband. Thanks again for your kind words.
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Oh, you are sweet. I’m so glad you posted to tell me this! I was just praying for your daughter again, and then I came back here online and saw this. We must have been praying for each other at the same time — me for Him to send her her man — and you praising Him for sending me mine — and how sweet of the Lord to give us that bit of synchronicity. We as humans are much more connected than we know, and never more than when in prayer in front of our Lord, I think.
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Excellent advice, Julie. All 3 of my young adult children are of dating age. Because they were homeschooled they didn’t experience pressure to date early (none of them have dated yet). But one of my sons mentioned he’s not interested in dating someone unless he’s really, really interested in getting to know her more. He doesn’t want to waste her time or his. I hope he meets and falls in love with someone like your daughter. 🙂
Blessings ~ Wendy
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Thank you Wendy. The world needs a lot more men like your son. God bless him.
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I have three grown daughters. This was a wonderful post, and you have a great kid.
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Thank you Robert.
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Smart move Momma Bear.
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I guess I am a Momma Bear, bones, because I feel like kicking him in the shin.
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It was worth reading. Beautifully written. ❤
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Thank you Ananya.
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Just wondering how your daughter is doing?
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Hi Mrs Boots. 🙂 Thank you for asking. She seems to be doing pretty well but she’s been so busy with work, grad school and her internship that we haven’t had much chance to talk. She went to the wedding of one of her best and oldest friends last Saturday. Another of her best friends is getting married next month and then a third friend is getting married the following week. Brutal. Brutal, brutal, brutal.
The good news is we’re going on our annual mother/daughter road trip over the long Labor Day weekend. Really looking forward to it. They say sun, sand and really good food heals all wounds – that, and time.
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Oh what great timing for a mother/daughter road trip! Very good. I really feel for her with all the weddings. That’s really tough. But I know she’s a tough young lady — she’s your girl, after all.
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