The hub laid a fire before he left for work. Dixie and I are camped out in front of it with a pile of blankets.
Doing my Bible study old school.
See you when the lights come on. And the heat, and the stove and the wifi….
The hub laid a fire before he left for work. Dixie and I are camped out in front of it with a pile of blankets.
Doing my Bible study old school.
See you when the lights come on. And the heat, and the stove and the wifi….
We just returned home from Dixie’s check up with the surgeon.
The good news is her incision is healing well and the sutures in her rectum are still intact.
One more week and she can ditch the cone.
I don’t like it when people call it the “cone of shame.” There’s nothing shameful about recovering from surgery. There’s something bad-you-know-what about it. It’s an “I’m a tough little cookie” cone of honor.
We went to see the surgeon today because, as you know, she has been having so much trouble going and we were concerned. He did a rectal exam and said the diameter of the portion that he sutured together is only half the diameter of the rest of her bowel, so she is straining (really hard) to push a large stool through a much smaller opening. He put her on a stool softener which seems strange because what little has been coming out has been plenty soft. But the stool on the other side of the sutures isn’t soft at all.
So we are relieved to know that she is healing and her ability to go should improve. I’ve been so worried.
Fortunately the margins were clean and it wasn’t in her spleen but it has spread to her lymph nodes and omentum. Which means it’s in her bloodstream.
I’ll be meeting with the oncologist next week to discuss chemo, etc.
We didn’t use the same hospital that we used for Bebe, so this will be a different oncologist. Depending on what he says, I might try chemo this time. We’ll see.
The surgeon said her prognosis, based on limited data, is 8 months.
So that’s where we are – sad but also aware that God can do anything.
Once she recovers completely and can get back to her routine we will feed her really delicious, nutritious food, build up her immune system so she can fight this devil off, take her for lots of walks and have lots of fun – even go to the beach when it gets warmer.
And try chemo if it doesn’t put a damper on her quality of life.
Would love it if you would keep this sweet little heart in your prayers.
In the meantime, we’ll be hanging out in the kitchen again today.
I’ll be ruminating on all the heartbreak cancer has brought to my life these last two years.
Dixie will be ruminating gastric acid.
I awoke at 5:30 am with a heavy heart. An excruciatingly heavy heart. Little Dixie has not had a proper bowel movement – not any kind of a bowel movement at all, really, since her surgery Monday. She practically (and literally) busts a gut straining to go and produces only a drop or two.
And I’ve been worried.
Worried that all that straining is going to tear the sutures holding the the two ends of her intestines together.
Worried that she has a blockage.
Worried that she’ll never have a normal poop again.
Worried that the starchy sweet potatoes I fed her the other day are stuck like a blob of paste in her bowels, holding up traffic. What was I thinking?
I woke up crying and praying and confessing.
I’ve always been strong, smart, competent. But this morning I was vividly aware of my weakness, my ignorance, my inability to get her bowels moving.
I curled into a fetal position in heartbroken fear that I may have harmed her. I pulled the covers over my head. I said I was sorry.
I confessed that I should have consulted God before feeding her this week.
I thought of all the mistakes – sometimes fatal – that parents make with their children and pets, that doctors and vets make with their patients.
How do they live with it?
How do any of us endure life in such a state of powerlessness, weakness, ignorance?
These are questions that have never been asked, felt, or even been on my radar in all my 57 years.
But early this morning I felt the weight of every one of them.
“That’s always been the human condition,” the Spirit answered. “Welcome to the human race.”
I lay there another half hour trying to go back to sleep because I’ve had a killer sore throat and I was going to need my voice today.
I went downstairs to make breakfast for the friends and found Dixie curled up on the family room floor with the hub. I sat with them a minute and pet her lethargic little body and then I got up and said, “I’m going to make breakfast.” And with that Dixie jumped up and followed me into the kitchen. Thank you Jesus.
While I was cooking, the hub took her into the yard and she pooped a tiny little poop.
Oh happy day!
Maybe she’ll survive my ignorance after all.
Here’s my subtle sin: I’ve been googling bowel surgery recovery all week. I’ve been calling the animal hospital looking for guidance – which I haven’t really gotten. I’ve been seeking answers and help from every source except the One who created her little digestive system, the One who has the know-how and power to heal her. Oh sure, I’ve prayed for her, but I didn’t ASK what to do for her. I just leaned on my heretofore competent understanding.
I went to church and gave the sermon.
Genesis 2:15-17; 3:1-7
Almighty God, whose blessed Son was led by the Spirit to be tempted by Satan: Come quickly to help us who are assaulted by many temptations; and, as you know the weaknesses of each of us, let each one find you mighty to save; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
I saw God mighty to save when I was working as a messenger in a law office. I worked there for a year while I took the LSATs and applied to law schools – just to make sure law was what I wanted to do.
One of my many duties was to occasionally sit in for the receptionist while she was at lunch. The phones were quiet one day and I had a verse to learn.- 1 Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted He will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.”
I memorize best by writing things out so I wrote the verse on a sheet of paper. I wrote it again and again until it filled both sides of the page. Halfway through the hour the phone lines started ringing and by the time Kathy returned from lunch my paper was buried under a pile of messages.
Kathy took her seat behind the desk and I rushed out to file a motion.
When I returned to the office a few hours later Kathy called me over to the reception desk.
“I assume this is yours,” she said, holding up the page.
Before I could apologize for leaving it behind she continued, “Thank you. It saved my life.”
One of our clients had been flirting shamelessly with Kathy. She was a lovely, Christian, married woman who politely declined his indecent proposals time after time. But it’s hard to resist a wealthy, powerful, charming, persistent man who makes you feel desirable, so that day at lunch she decided that when he came in that afternoon she was going to say yes.
And then 1 Corinthians 10:13 emerged from under all those messages.
Help is always on the way.
This morning help is right here in the lessons in our bulletins.
Genesis 3 helps us recognize the tempter when we see him.
Genesis 2:15-17; 3:1-7
The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to till it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You may freely eat of every tree of the garden; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall die.”
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made.
The Hebrew word translated serpent here is nachash. It is from the root word meaning “divination, enchantment, sorcery”.
The Hebrew word translated “wild animal” means “to live, have life, remain alive, live forever.”
That’s why, contrary to all the artist’s depictions, I don’t picture Eve talking to an actual snake. What intelligent woman is going to listen to a snake?
A more accurate translation would have her talking to an enchanter.
Scripture says the devil masquerades as an angel of light. Ezekiel said he was, “the model of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.”
The Hebrew word translated beauty is from the root word yaphah (yaw-faw), which means “to be bright, beautiful, handsome, fair”. So instead of a snake, picture someone shiny. (I picture a young Robert Redford. He was shiny.)
“Now shiny boy was the slyest, most hypnotically charming being which the LORD God had made.” (Genesis 3:1 JHV – Julie Hintz Version)
Is your mind set on the picture here? Eve has just encountered a bright, shiny, hypnotically charming replica of the One she conversed with each evening in the garden. Sin has not yet entered the picture. She knows nothing of evil. Distrust has not even entered her perfect mind because distrust has not yet entered her perfect world. Shiny boy knows he’s golden, so he makes his move.
You know what I mean. You’ve met someone who looked shiny in the coming. It wasn’t until after he/she betrayed you, deceived you, broke your heart, that you said to your friends, “He/she is such a snake!”
Remember, he wasn’t condemned to crawl on his belly until the end of the chapter.
He said to the woman, “Did God say, ‘You shall not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden; but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die.’”
Look back at the first paragraph (Genesis 2). Did God say they couldn’t even touch it? He commanded the man – because the woman had not yet been fashioned – and in relaying the command to the woman, the man embellished. “Don’t even touch it, Eve, don’t even think about touching it.” Actually, he hadn’t named Eve yet. “Don’t even touch it, woman, don’t even think about touching it.”
It’s important in this temptation avoiding life to see for yourself what God actually said; go directly to the source.
But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die; for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made loincloths for themselves.
See how crafty he is? He even uses noble desires. Wisdom is a good thing, so how can desiring it be sinful? It isn’t. The sin wasn’t in the desire for knowledge, the sin was in the grabbiness.
Shiny boy portrayed himself as being more generous than God. I see this temptation everywhere these days. The subtle temptation to believe that we humans are kinder, more compassionate than God. We’re not.
(Note to self: When someone wants me to do something that contradicts what God said, no matter how much that someone may look or sound like God, say to that shiny person, “Hold up, let me run that past God and get back to you.”)
Further down in the chapter we’re told Adam and Eve were afraid when they heard God coming, so they hid. Do you think they had known fear before? This knowledge of good and evil that was supposed to be so great didn’t turn out to be so great.
And so it always goes with that snake.
I wonder if God would have invited them to eat from the tree the second they passed the test. Once they showed they would trust Him, obey Him. (You can read Boot Camp for more on that.)
The OT helped us see that the tempter is shiny and sly. Eve said “the deceiver tricked me and I ate.” If he can trick Eve, he can trick us. Smart as we are, Eve was smarter. She was an original, we’re copies of a copy of a copy…
So let’s learn from the Master.
Right out of the gate, the devil tried to wreck Jesus’ ministry.
(Right after He was baptized) Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.”
Just a casual, harmless, sly little suggestion. You’re hungry, make yourself something to eat. No harm, no foul, right?
Wrong. If he had turned those stones into bread His whole mission would have been aborted.
He had to be one of us in order to take our place on the cross. Can you turn stones into bread? I can’t either.
So if He did something we can’t do He would no longer be fully man.
“But wait,” I hear you thinking, “Jesus did miracles all the time.”
Yes, He did. But He only did what he saw His Father doing and He only said what He heard His Father saying.
And His Father wasn’t making bread that day.
As a human, He was completely dependent on His father to do anything of spiritual, miraculous value. Just as we are.
We can’t take matters into our own hands – if we could, Dixie would be happily pooping by now – so neither could He.
That’s why He said, “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”
There are more important things in life than our physical appetites.
We’re going to be hungry for all kinds of things and the tempter will exploit every one of our physical weaknesses.
If you scroll down to the last sentence of the Matthew passage it says this: “Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.”
I imagine they brought something a whole lot more satisfying than some crusty bread.
Then the devil took Jesus to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written,
‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus said to him, “Are you kidding me? ‘If you are the Son of God’? Please. What did He just say at my baptism, right before I was led out to this place? This is my Son.
Okay that’s my paraphrase. He actually said, “Again it is written, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” But they’re kinda’ the same. Either way when God clearly says something, it’s an insult to doubt it.
Temptation comes on strong when we think we have something to prove. This one probably hits teenagers the hardest. Do I have what it takes? Am I desirable?
Tell them they do. Tell them they are. Tell them they have nothing to prove. Every day during Lent tell them in big and small and subtle and true ways that they have what it takes. Leave no doubt.
Again, the devil took Jesus to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; and he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.”
All the kingdoms of the world were not his to give but he’s a liar so who cares. He has no problem promising what he knows he can’t deliver.
“You don’t have to suffer,” the devil hissed, “you don’t have to die for these people. Just worship me and I’ll give you an earthly kingdom.”
This last attempt must have been tempting. Jesus didn’t want to go to the cross. He said so Himself. If there had been any other way He would have taken it.
But Jesus didn’t come to gain an earthly kingdom.
He knew that eventually every knee would bow to Him and every tongue in heaven and on earth would confess that He is Lord. He knew that in order to draw all men to Himself He would have to be “lifted up” on a cross before being lifted back unto His heavenly throne.
He wasn’t going to settle for a cheap imitation of the heavenly kingdom He already possessed.
Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! for it is written,
‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.’”
In other words, “I’ll take what’s behind door number God.”
Let’s not settle for the cheap imitations that the tempter offers and then doesn’t deliver.
Let’s give up cheap imitations for Lent.
The devil, who had the audacity to tempt Jesus, uses these same tactics on us.
He exploits our physical appetites and weaknesses.
He exploits our pride.
He exploits our fears and dreads.
How was Jesus able to cut through these tough temptations like a hot knife through butter?
He trusted in His Father’s provision,
He was confident in His Father’s love and
He kept His eye on the better prize. Us.
May we be like Him.
P.S. I didn’t say this in the sermon, but here’s why I think was translated as snake:
The Hebrew word translated serpent here is nachash (pronounced naw-khawsh’). It is from the root word nachash (pronounced naw-khawsh’), which means “divination, enchantment, omen, sorcery”. The root word and the derivative are identical in spelling and almost identical in pronunciation. Here’s what the Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (TWOT) says:
“Because of the similarity of [the two words], some make a connection to snakecharming. More contend that there is a similarity of hissing sounds between enchanters and serpents and hence the similarity of words.”
Just a little bonus for my fellow word nerds.
I hear one of my favorite songs wafting down from my daughter’s bedroom as I work. Thought you might like to listen, too:
Between wiping my beagle’s bottom, wiping the kitchen floor and standing outside in the cold while she strains to go, I’m writing my sermon for this Sunday. I hear you Baptists gasping. Some of you.
We follow the Liturgical Calendar at the church I attend and this Sunday, the first Sunday of Lent, is all about temptation.
And since the WordPress word of the day is “doubt,” I thought I’d share a little of what I’m writing – just to put Jesus on the grid.
I’m highlighting the crafty tools the devil uses to tempt us, reruns of the ways he tempted Jesus.
One such crafty tool is doubt.
“Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written,
‘He will command his angels concerning you,’
and ‘On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’” – Matthew 4
Jesus was tired. He was weak. He was forty days fasted. But He wasn’t stupid. And He had no doubt.
“Are you kidding me?,” He replied. “‘If you are the Son of God’? Please. What did my Father say right back there at the end of chapter 3, right before you led me into this God-forsaken wilderness? I’ll give you a hint: ‘This is my Son!‘”? [paraphrase, italics, bold, underline and exclamation point mine.]
Jesus wasn’t stupid, but we are. Sometimes. He didn’t doubt, but we do. Often. He had nothing to prove, but we think we do. And that’s when the temptation to lie, cheat, claw, and shamelessly promote ourselves while holding others back does its best.
This particular trick of the devil’s trade – doubt – probably hits teenagers the hardest. They want to know: Do I have what it takes? Am I desirable?
Do I have what it takes to be popular, to be cool, to get a man, to succeed, to make you proud?
That’s all they want to know.
And in seeking the answers to those questions they are enticed to do some foolish and sadly sleazy things.
Beat the devil at his game. Instead of fasting from something this Lent, take something on. Take on the challenge of telling your teens – in big, small, creative and crafty ways – every day for the next 40 days – that they DO have what it takes, that they ARE desirable – to everyone who does and will matter.
Tell them in ways that aren’t obvious. Tell them in ways that are true.
Tell them, tell them, tell them.
And leave no doubt.
I’m not going to say all this on Sunday ‘cuz I’ve got other stuff to say, but the word of the day got me elaborating.
Who’s had a paczke?
I’ve been teaching the book of John to a group of third and fourth graders every Monday night since September. Half the class is nice and quiet – just the way I like it – and the other half is rowdy. Last night they were extra rowdy – pouts, tears, an injury, two kids under the table – all in the first 15 minutes.
We were in chapter 15 and I was explaining what Jesus meant by, “I am the vine and you are the branches.” I told them the Holy Spirit is like the sap that flows from the vine out to the tip of the branches to produce fruit. As long as we stay attached to Jesus, the Holy Spirit will flow through us, producing good and exciting things.
Things that last.
Then we got to the part where Jesus told His disciples – and us – to love the way He loves.
And that brought us to verse 13.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
I wanted to illustrate what that looks like in everyday life.
So I told them about Tuscany. I told them that the hub and I have been saving money to take a trip there as soon as he retires. We want to see the countryside and eat good food and take a cooking class.
I also told them that we have spent A LOT of money on emergency vet bills in the last few years. (Over $40,000 the hub tells me but I didn’t tell the youngsters that.)
“And now today,” I said, “the beagle we adopted 4 weeks ago had surgery. And it’s expensive. So we’ll take more money out of our Tuscany fund to pay for it.
And we probably won’t get to go on our trip.
But that’s okay.
The rowdy ones, who didn’t appear to be listening, their interest quickened by the example, gave a hearty laugh.
P.S. The hospital just called. Dixie did very well overnight. She’s comfortable, bright, alert, responsive and she’s coming home this evening. I’ll keep you posted.
One day you’re living in Hintzville, going for a warm, sunny walk and a week later you’re under the knife.
Last post I told you what I know about Dixie’s history. What I didn’t tell you is that she has had varying amounts of blood in her stool since the day we adopted her. Every stool, every day.
Finally, after multiple trips to the vet and two rounds of blood and stool tests to rule out parasites and infections, we were referred to a specialist for an ultrasound.
The ultrasound revealed a mass in her colon. And an enlarged lymph node. And a small spot on her spleen.
So at 8:00 this morning I dropped her off at the hospital for a colonoscopy – to give the internal medicine specialist and the surgeon a look at what they’re dealing with from the inside.
While she’s still under anesthesia she’ll go directly into surgery. To remove the mass and resection her bowel. And, if she hasn’t been under too long at that point, the surgeon will remove the lymph node and her spleen, too.
Just got a call from the hospital. They are about to begin. It will be about two hours. The surgeon will call when he’s finished.
I hung up the phone, got on my knees and asked God to fill the operating room. I asked Him to give the specialist and the surgeon insight and knowledge and skill beyond what they have. I asked Him to give the surgeon creativity in approaching the mass – since it is partially behind her pubis and difficult to access. I’m praying he’ll get clean margins without having to split her pelvis.
I’m praying the mass is not malignant. I’m praying it isn’t any kind of cancer at all. It’s possible that it’s a stricture. I sure hope so.
I’m praying for no complications.
I’m praying that the resection will not come apart one day and dump feces into her abdomen.
I’m praying she will heal quickly and live another happy, healthy five years. At least.
If it is a malignant cancer, the surgeon said worst case scenario she’ll have 3-4 months, best case she’ll have 1-2 years.
I’m praying it isn’t cancer.
I’m praying I don’t have to muster the strength, beg God for the strength, to walk another friend down this road again so soon.
I’ve already fallen in love with Dixie.
And I’m still missing Bebe.
I told you last week that Dixie had been bounced around a lot this last year after her “mom” moved into a nursing home. And that made it really heartbreaking to leave her this morning.
So I’m asking God to hold her close, to whisper in her soft, floppy little beagle ear that she hasn’t been abandoned. That she is deeply loved and she will be going home to Hintzville.
Just got a call from the surgeon. The colonoscopy showed that it is a mass, not a stricture.
Dixie’s being prepped for surgery and he’s heading into the OR.
Praying he gets it all.
Praying it’s benign.
Praying she heals well.
Praying, praying, praying.
And feeling sick.