life, war on women

So The Man Leads…

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The dateable female…is not available at the spur of the moment for a date…  Like a fine restaurant, she requires reservations.
– Hayley Morgan DiMarco, the dateable rules a guide to the sexes.

That rule is more a guideline for my dateable daughter.  So when a young man called her Tuesday morning and asked if he could pick her up and take her to dinner that same night, she said yes.  Partly because he wanted to go to a special food event in a nearby foodie town and it was only happening that night, and partly because he had a plan.  “Wanna’ hang out?” is not a plan.  “Can I pick you up at 5:45 and take you to a restaurant crawl?”  is.

So he picked her up and they went.  They were gone 5 hours.  “Good,” I thought, “they must be hitting it off.”

When she returned home she said the evening was fine and that her date is a really nice guy.

“But,” she said the next morning, “here’s what’s wrong with him”:

He was telling me about all the books on Christian dating and marriage that he’s been reading, and he kept asking me what I think a Christian relationship looks like.  So I took the opportunity to tell him that I think a Christian relationship looks like two people walking side by side, both following Jesus.

And he said, “Oh.  Yeah.”

He seemed to get what I was saying.  But then later he lamented that it is hard for the man to lead, especially when the woman wants things a certain way.  “A woman always tries to lead,” he said, “she needs to submit to her husband.”

I told him that this is why I don’t think anyone is meant to lead in a Christian relationship.  And then I pulled out my phone, cued up Rachel Held Evans’s post “10 Marriage Reality Checks (from 10 Years of Marriage)” and had him read item #6.

And he read it.  And he and said, “Oh. Yeah.”

And then later, when the topic returned to Christian relationships once again, he said, “So the man leads…”

We have our work cut out for us.

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