faith

Whispered Words of Wisdom

night streetEver since I laid my eyes on today’s daily prompt, the song has been playing in my head.

Paul was reportedly singing about a dream he had one night when he was under a lot of stress.  In the dream his mother, who had died of cancer when he was fourteen, appeared to comfort him.  Let it Be.

Similar words have been spoken to me, but not by my mother and not in a dream.  They were spoken to my heart by the Holy Spirit.

I was the director of a pregnancy help center.  An idea came to me for a fundraiser – a big production for which I had absolutely no experience.  But I felt the Spirit urging me to do it, so I did.

The president of the board – who did not like to share the limelight – was ruffled.  But, since she was awfully certain the event would be a disaster and I would end up looking foolish, she did not oppose it.  The event – thanks be to God – was a huge, amazing success.

She was beside herself.  She promptly started complaining about me to the other board members, told lies, tried to push me out.

My first impulse was to defend myself, set the record straight.  I’m all about the truth.

But the Spirit whispered “Hush”.

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.  Isaiah 53:7

So I hushed.  For days I trusted Him and kept my mouth completely shut.

When I walked into the office one early morning, I was greeted by the glow of the president’s computer screen.  No one was there.  Incriminating evidence against her, proof that she had been lying about me was illuminated right before my eyes.

I read it, turned it off and thanked the good Lord for affirming what I had suspected.  Yet still I remained silent.

A few hours later three of the board members came in to meet with me.  One of them had been in just before I arrived that morning, had left the computer on.  They wanted me to know that they knew.

In the end, the one who tried to push me out had pushed herself out.  Another victim of the green-eyed monster.

I love the One who whispers, “Let it Be”.  Who presses, “Don’t say a word, I’ve got this.”  The whole thing plays out so much better when the Advocate does the avenging.

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be.

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church nonsense, life

Something’s Wrong

200127_1863212696847_822020_nMy husband is at church alone this morning.  I stayed home to worship through writing.  I began my “service” the way I’ve started each day this week – by praying with Anne.  And just like every other morning this week, I whispered a salty amen.  And as I did, I realized that that few minutes of prayer did more to refine my sin-dappled heart than an hour at church ever does.

I sit in my well-respected mega-church and I am unmoved.  My mind is impressed with the well-rehearsed and well-staged music,  with the cool graphics and visuals, but my heart is unmoved.

I listen to the announcements and to the boasts of how awesome we are in all that we are doing and I feel like a spectator.  Like my only role is to give audience (and cash) to someone else’s vision.  To be a bricklayer in the building of an earthly kingdom.  But I long to lay bricks in the heavenly Kingdom.

I listen to the sermon hoping to hear from God.  It is a nice, generic, one-size-fits-all message.  It begins with some promise but it lacks Spirit.  It does not challenge me to love better, behave better, think better, relate to God better.  It just pats me on the head and sends me on my way.

I leave disappointed, frustrated and, if there were any visible threads of misogyny showing that morning, irritated.

Something is wrong when going to church does more harm than good.

Anne preached more in a week of prayers than my pastor has preached all year.  And she moved me much closer to who God wants me to be.

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