life

We’re supposed to want to fork it?

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Tine Steiss, Creative Commons

A commercial running here in the U.S. of A. is making my tv watching life so much worse.

Worse, even, than the incessant and gnarly political ads.

The product for sale is some sort of frozen, highly processed food.

That in itself is troublesome, what with all the cancer and diabetes running rampant around here.

We’re supposed to want to “fork it.”

Seriously?

In the ad a guy spanks his naughty mac and cheese (or whatever the heck he’s eating).

Ew.

Then his co-worker applauds the perversion with a gleeful perversion of his own.

Makes my skin crawl.

Reminds me of an episode of Criminal Minds in which two highly disturbed, highly sick individuals living in the same neighborhood find one another and become partners in sadistic crime.

Like some sort of creepy radar.

Someone way back when said, “Sex sells,” and a whole “subliminal seduction” ad genre was born.

Born and grown-up into a hideous adult.

A blatant, perverted, nothing-subliminal-about-it adult.

Well, guess what?

That adult doesn’t sell.

Not to me anyway.

I’d rather eat my own vomit than “fork” anyone’s product.

For a refreshing, edgy, radical change of pace, madison avenue, let’s see if pure, noble and lovely will sell.

#irksome

 

 

 

 

 

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life

Silence Hates

Linda over at Just Writing! wrote about the fallout from our country’s crisis of faith.  As a counselor, she sees much devastation from our casual and ignorant attitudes toward sex.

As an abstinence speaker, former social worker and former crisis pregnancy center director, I’ve seen the devastation, too.

So I added my amen to her post by leaving this comment:

99.99% 0f all cervical cancer is caused by strains of HPV.  There is a rise in mouth and throat cancers due to the epidemic of HPV. There is a link between breast cancer and aborting a first pregnancy.

Some of us think God is a killjoy.  God is a protector.

Some think God punishes sin. God protects from sin.

If a mom tells her two year old not to touch a hot stove, it’s not to spoil her two year old’s fun.

If the two year old touches the hot stove anyway and gets burned, the burn is not a punishment for disobedience, it’s a consequence of not heeding her mother’s protective warning.

Foolish people.  We aren’t sheep without a shepherd, we HAVE a Shepherd. We’re sheep with wool over our eyes.

Do yourself a favor. Do your kids a favor. Do your country a favor.  Educate yourself. Educate them.  You can start here: Public Service Announcement: It Ought to Come with a Warning.

And then speak up. Speak up and Love.

#nocondomlargeenough
#sharedwisdomloves
#silencehates

#crisis

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life

Public Service Announcement: It Ought to Come with a Warning

Last I heard, six partners or more is considered medically promiscuous. That’s six total partners – consecutive and/or concurrent.

I grew up with a girl who became sexually involved with a man from the neighborhood. She was sixteen, he was thirty-two and married – he said his wife was a bitch. She was too young and naive to know that the wife is always a bitch, and never that he is simply a cheating bastard. So she gave him her virginity and he gave her HPV (human papillomavirus) – the gift that keeps on giving. He gifted her with one of the strains that causes recurrent genital warts.

She was not promiscuous, medically speaking, and yet she still contracted a disease. Because it only takes one rogue partner.

I remember how much pain she was in when the doctor burned them off, how she couldn’t sit down.

After all that, the warts came back.

She is married now and avoids intercourse with her husband when she has an outbreak, which is good, I suppose, but HPV is contagious even when there are no lesions present.

She is lucky, though, because the strains that manifest as warts are usually not the strains that cause cervical cancer.  Those strains have no visible signs.

I learned about the connection between HPV and cervical dysplasia/cervical cancer years ago at a conference on the epidemic of STDs among adolescents. I also learned from one of the speakers – a doctor specializing in adolescent health with a practice in the Boston area – that the AMA (American Medical Association) made a decision to NOT share that connection with patients.

My head reeled, sitting there in the audience, as my stomach and my naive trust absorbed the blow: Doctors withhold information at the direction of the AMA?

I raised my hand, “How can they not tell?”

“There’s nothing doctors can do about it, there’s no cure for HPV, so why get patients upset?”

“Well there is something patients can do about it,” I countered, “they can choose to be less promiscuous, they can make informed decisions about their sexual behavior.”

“There are people who don’t want them to be less promiscuous,” he shrugged. “Sex is a huge money-making industry.”

Don’t get me wrong, the speaker is a good guy who takes time away from his practice to travel around the country speaking to kids about the risks casual sex poses to their health. He was just telling it like it is.

As I drove home from the conference I thought about friends who had cervical dysplasia and who had no idea they were at risk of developing cervical cancer; who had no idea of its connection to HPV. I thought of the “medically promiscuous” teens and young adults who came to the center for free pregnancy tests. I thought of the young client I had seen recently, the one who had already had seven different partners and she was only seventeen.

I started to sob those I-need-windshield-wipers-for-my-eyeballs kind of sobs.  “Lord, you have to warn them,” I begged.

I shared what I learned at the conference with the volunteers back at the pregnancy center. One of them, a nurse, confided that she was diagnosed with cervical dysplasia – a pre-cancerous condition – and she had to really press and insist before her doctor would tell her the cause of her condition – HPV.

She was a virgin when she married her husband and her husband had had only one previous sex partner – his first wife. So how did she contract HPV? His first wife was unfaithful, hence their divorce.

A few years later I traveled to Houston for a conference on adolescent sexual health. The main speaker told the story of a man whose wife – her patient – died of cervical cancer at Scott and White. He remarried. His second wife also became a patient at Scott and White and she also died of cervical cancer. The man became angry, blamed the hospital. The hospital pointed out that they were not the common denominator, he was.

Testing showed that HPV had made a comfy home for itself just under the surface of his skin. No warts, no visible signs on his body. He had lost two wives to a virus he did not know he carried.

One of the aims of that conference in Houston – though it was not advertised as such – was to introduce a new vaccine that was about to hit the market, a vaccine that would protect against six of the over one hundred strains of HPV. The keynote speaker was on the team that developed the vaccine.

Not too long afterward, I received a postcard in the mail urging me to “Tell Someone.” It was from the maker of the vaccine.

This is the postcard I received in the mail, to which I added some of the facts I learned at the medial conference.

This is the postcard I received in the mail, perhaps you received one, too, minus the facts, which I added based on the information I was given at the medial conference.

Oh yeah, now you want me to tell someone, now that there is money to be made.

I’m not even going to go into the pros and considerable cons of the vaccine. Not today anyway.

Here’s the bottom line: You can be a sixteen year old virgin, have sex with one rogue guy and get HPV. You can save yourself for marriage and marry someone who had only been with his (cheating) wife, and end up with HPV. So how the heck do the “medically promiscuous” think they are going to escape disease?

The American Lung Association (or maybe it’s the American Cancer Society) has been running frequent ads featuring people who were filmed speaking with voices distorted by tracheostomies and showing torsos maimed by surgeries and painful lung drainage tube removals, who have since died, in an effort to convince smokers to quit smoking. Though I hate to watch the ads, I am glad they are being shown so frequently and I pray the campaign will be highly successful.

If it is, then I pray it will be followed by a similar campaign featuring infertile couples (last I heard, infertility rates were up 300% – much of which is due to scarring from pelvic inflammatory disease caused by chlamydia and other sexually transmitted bacterial infections); featuring women fighting cervical cancer, men suffering from epididymitis; men and women battling virulent oral cancers caused by HPV, etc.  Show young and old what can come of the fun, cool, casual sex they see on tv. Perhaps urge them to do what God told them to do in the first place:  Keep their (future) marriage beds pure.  Without mentioning God, of course, so people will listen. Keep it purely scientific, without giving props to the One behind the science.

Sex ought to come with a warning – a parental warning, a medical warning, a societal warning, like it used to – before infertility rates were sky high and STDs were epidemic.

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life

S-E-X

I was signing in at the office of a Christian school today on my way to talk to an assembly of eighth graders.  Security at that school is tight so while I waited for my bar-coded, time-sensitive nametag to print, I chatted with one of the administrators.  She said her daughter had heard my sixth grade presentation last year.

The woman shared that her daughter came home from school that day and enthusiastically told her all about what I had said.  Then her daughter covered her mouth and whispered, “But she said the s word.”  The mom asked, “What?”  The girl, mouth still covered, whispered “the s word”.  “What?”  “The s word.”  It took awhile but the woman finally figured out what her daughter was saying.

I told the woman that I used to refrain from using the s word with sixth graders.  Instead I would let them pick a word – like vegetables.  As in “Vegetables are only for marriage.”  Because, according to them, sex was too powerful a word for their little ears to hear.

But I stopped using substitute words because sex is not a bad word, and I don’t want the youngsters to get the idea that sex is bad.

Sex is good.  It was God’s idea.

As I walked into the adjoining office to hang up my coat, I overheard the administrator say to her colleague, “Sex is good, it was God’s idea!  I like that!  I’ve never heard anyone say that before.”

Sex is not “the nasty”.  It’s one of God’s greatest inventions.

In its proper time and place.

Just thought I’d mention it here in case you’ve never heard that before either.

Oh and the eighth graders were great.  We had a lot of fun, God had a lot to say and they were all very attentive.

Next Friday I talk to the seventh graders.  Say a prayer.

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life, war on women

Fifty Shades of Regret

Growing up you probably heard a variation of “That will rot your teeth” as you took a bite of something sweet.  But did anyone ever really explain it to you? Did they instruct you to brush your teeth after every sugary treat, or did they just lay a phrase on you and walk away? As a kid it was just a phrase, a vague guideline. But at fifty, it became harsh reality. It became me sitting in the oral surgeon’s chair, hearing his opening words: “It all started with that first Snickers bar.” Don’t get me wrong, I brushed my teeth every morning after breakfast and every night before bed. Apparently that isn’t enough.

Sometimes we need people to explain things to us a whole lot better than they do. Especially when we are young. Especially when it comes to sex. Which is why I go out and talk to kids. And which is why I am going to talk to you.

I was in Bible study last October celebrating a 90th birthday and watching a Beth Moore video. I received quite the education with my cake when Beth said this:

All sex was meant to be safe sex. All of it was. Not boring. Some of you, “If it’s safe, it’s boring.” You have to live out there in that adrenaline zone where you just barely make it and live most of your life down in a cavernous pit. I have been there, too…

What women are putting their bodies through to keep up with the appetites that are being created by pornography. I’m going to tell you something, if we can make it to 60 and 65 and not be incontinent, it’s going to be a miracle… It was not meant to tear up our bodies… Just because you are in a relationship with him doesn’t mean that everything he wants to do you need to do. You do get to say, “I’m not comfortable with that.” Even to your husband if you know that its going to tear up your body. It’s a dangerous, dangerous day when we’ve got the kind of growing need for more and more and more and more perversity. And our bodies are just getting abused and misused.

Even to your husband.

I have lunch once a year with an old friend. We used to go to the same church. Two years ago she told me her marriage was a wreck and she was contemplating jumping ship. I was very surprised. I had always viewed her and her husband as a strong, happy couple. The things she shared over salads revealed a whole different story. She told me a lot that day but she didn’t tell me everything.

At last year’s lunch she said her life was a bit better. She had decided to stay in the marriage on one condition: Her husband would have to take “no” for an answer. I’m sure my mouth was agape as she told me what he had been doing to her. When she would object he would say that it was her “Christian duty.”  After years of putting up with it, she finally said, “Christian duty or not, you’re not going to do that to me anymore.” She finally had nothing to lose and he finally stopped. I believed her when she said things are better between them, but how much better can they be with a man who would insist on harming his wife for his sexual gratification because the teachings of the church gave him the idea that he can.

This is why I keep hammering away at the church’s erroneous teachings when it comes to women.

I just hope she doesn’t wind up incontinent.

fifty shades of no

I sat in an assembly of tenth graders about ten years ago listening to Dr. John Diggs give a talk on sex. The boys were not shy with their questions. One asked about anal sex. Dr. Diggs explained that the anus is not nearly as elastic as the vagina. It doesn’t need to be: Bowel movements are never as big as babies. And because they are not as elastic, they tear more easily. Which is why AIDS spread so quickly among homosexual men – HIV is spread through blood and small tears in the anus gives the virus all the entrance it needs.

I really didn’t know anything about Fifty Shades of Grey except for a vague knowledge that it had something to do with kinky sex. The other day my daughter told me it is about S & M. She said there are Christians on tumblr who believe S & M is fine between two healthy married adults. Except, as my daughter so astutely pointed out, “there is nothing healthy about two adults who enjoy violent sex.”

Hear, hear sister! I mean daughter.

“And to make matters worse,” she said, “ I heard the guy falls in love with her at the end.”

“Oh great,” I said. “Way to feed that dangerous fantasy.”

When I first started volunteering at a pregnancy help center, I had a client whose boyfriend was pressuring her to have an abortion. After sitting with her and listening to her sob for 20 minutes, I finally said, “Joni, you don’t have to have an abortion.” My statement jolted her from her sobs. “You don’t have to have an abortion.”

Her boyfriend kept telling her that if she didn’t abort he would take the baby from her. “Why would he take it from you if he doesn’t even want it?” I asked. She just looked at me. Sometimes you have to apply a little logic.

She had followed him to our state from Oregon and she didn’t know many people here. She had written the phone numbers of a few of her co-workers – – including one male co-worker – in her phone book hoping to make some friends.  When her boyfriend saw it he pounded her head into the floor.

“Why do you stay with him?”

“Because deep down I know there is goodness in him, I just have to find the key that unlocks it. If I stay with him long enough, try hard enough, show him enough love…”

“No, sweetheart.”

Over the course of several counseling sessions I finally convinced her to reconcile with her family and return home to have the baby. Her boyfriend volunteered to drive her back to Oregon. And on the way there he tried to kill her.

I don’t ordinarily ask you to share my posts, but if you know someone who is at risk, I hope you will share this one. Or at least take the time to really explain that fifty shades of grey is fifty shades of danger, fifty shades of regret and fifty shades of incontinence.

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