life, Light

No One Sinned

A guy was born blind and people were wondering whose sin was responsible.  His? His mom’s?  His dad’s?

Jesus cleared it up for them: “No one sinned.”

The seven sons of a Jewish chief priest named Sceva were going around casting out demons.  Apparently they saw Paul doing it and they thought it was pretty cool; wanted to get into the demon busting business, jump on the exorcism band wagon, impress some chicks.  But they didn’t know what they were doing; they didn’t know what they were talking about; they didn’t know WHO they were talking about.  So they got the crap beat out of them.  By some demons.

Charlatans.

I knew a woman who prays for the deaths of the people she does not like.  She once asked God to wipe my ex-husband off the face of the earth.  “Stop,” I said.  “You may not like him, I may not like him right now, but he is my daughter’s dad.  And she needs a living dad.”

Knew is the operative word.

My daughter used to be friends with a Christian guy on tumblr who does all manner of ungodly things.   But when someone does something he doesn’t like he accuses them of being unbiblical, says, “That’s not very ‘early church’ of you.”

Last week I told you that my Aunt Stella died and I kissed her goodbye. On the forehead.

A commenter told me I was wrong to kiss a dead body.  He said I was ceremonially unclean.

I told him that it was a gesture of love and that Jesus wouldn’t fault me for that.  Just like He didn’t fault David and his hungry soldiers for eating consecrated bread.  Or Himself and His disciples for picking and eating the heads of wheat on a Sabbath.  The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.

And I started wondering whether regulations that had to do with being ceremonially unclean had to do with disease prevention and containment.  Don’t touch a dead, decaying body and then bring disease into the temple.

But Aunt Stella was not yet decaying.  She was in a clean, sterile, air conditioned environment.  And I was heading to lunch afterward, not into a temple.

The commenter seemed to accept my reasoning.  He called it an excellent answer.

And then, exactly one week later, I fell and broke my right foot.

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Here I sit.

And he commented that the break was the result of not heeding his “warning”.  His after-the-fact warning.

No comment.

“You don’t see the connection?,” he asked.

The common denominator to which he was referring is my Aunt Stella.  I broke my foot walking to her cemetery plot.

But there are other possible explanations and denominators:

1.  I have osteoporosis.

2.  I broke the same foot six and a half years ago.  Perhaps, as another blogger commented, it didn’t heal properly back then.  Which is very likely given the fiasco I mentioned.

3.  I tore the tendons and ligaments in that foot back when I was in college.  Slipped on a patch of ice.  Perhaps that weakened it.

4. As I reblogged earlier today, I sprained that ankle backpacking.  In fact, I’ve limped around with SEVERAL sprained ankles over the years.

Were they all punishment for some sin?

Or was the ground just soft and uneven and people sometimes fall when the ground is soft and uneven?

The Holy Spirit doesn’t need a mediator or a translator.  He is Perfectly capable of communicating effectively.  When He warns me, I hear Him.  When He corrects me, I usually heed Him.  When He guides me, I steer clear of those possibly well-meaning charlatans who speak presumptuously for Him.

How much does it bug you when Christians use God, Scripture or spirituality to control and manipulate others?

It bugs me a lot.  I sigh and cringe.

It gives the rest of us a bad name.

Worse, it gives God a bad name.

And I’ll bet He wishes they would just hush.

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More Bad Acting

When I posted Bad Acting the other day, I wasn’t preaching anything and I wasn’t putting forth a theological dissertation.  It was just little old me sharing my little old stream of consciousness.  There were a couple of things floating in that stream: 1. What makes some people mean? 2. Why do some Christians believe that we are all wretched sinners?  I knew when I pushed publish that my thoughts were only a rough draft and I was hoping it would generate some discussion that would help me bring what I really wanted to say into focus.  It did.  So thank you for your comments, they furthered my thinking.

I decided to get a little more serious, bring some quick research into the equation. So first thing I did was bing “Original Sin”.  Here’s what Wikipedia has to say:

Original sin, also called ancestral sin, is the Christian doctrine of humanity’s state of sin resulting from the fall of man, stemming from Adam’s rebellion in Eden. This condition has been characterized in many ways, ranging from something as insignificant as a slight deficiency, or a tendency toward sin yet without collective guilt, referred to as a “sin nature”, to something as drastic as total depravity or automatic guilt of all humans through collective guilt.

The concept of original sin was first alluded to in the 2nd century by IrenaeusBishop of Lyons in his controversy with certain dualistGnostics. Other church fathers such as Augustine also developed the doctrine,[2] seeing it as based on the New Testament teaching of Paul the Apostle (Romans 5:12–21 and 1 Corinthians 15:22) and the Old Testament verse of Psalm 51:5.

Okay, right off the bat I learned a couple of things:

First, there is a spectrum of beliefs among Christians about original sin.  We don’t all believe that original sin equals total depravity.  Good to know that leaning toward a more moderate “sin nature” position is a legitimate Christian belief.  Though I’m guessing that some in the “total depravity” camp would say that those in the “sin nature” camp are not real Christians.

The second thing I learned was that the doctrine of Original Sin was not put forth by Jesus (my “go to” for everything God related).  It was put forth by men, based on, of course, Paul.  And David’s Psalm 51:5 confession that he was born sinful.

Okay, so let’s think about that little bit for a second.

Before meeting Jesus, Paul was morally depraved.  Even though he was well-schooled in Jewish law, he had no real understanding of God in his heart.  He cruelly sent Christians to brutal deaths.  All the while thinking he was pleasing God.  He was a terrorist.  So of course he is going to write from a knowledge of total depravity.  But just because he was once totally depraved does not mean that his depravity must automatically be extrapolated to everyone else.

Same with David.  Yes, committing adultery with another man’s wife and then having that man killed in order to cover up his sin was a morally depraved thing to do.  But not everyone commits adultery and murder.  Not everyone is morally depraved (defined wicked).

Look at Abraham.  I find no wickedness in him.  I find no wickedness in Job.  Or Moses.

God tucked Moses into the cleft of a rock, passed before him, and declared His nature.  And of all the things He could have said about Himself, He said this:

“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Exodus 34 NIV

God forgives wickedness, rebellion and sin.  They are three different things.

All wickedness is sin.
All rebellion is sin.
But all sin is not wicked.
And all sin is not rebellious.

Sin is anything that falls short of God’s standards.  Anything that is not-God.
You can sin and not even realize it.

Rebellion is knowing that something is sin and doing it anyway.
You cannot rebel without knowing it.

Wickedness is deliberately causing harm to another.
You can be wicked without rebellion. (If you grew up in a morally depraved atmosphere and you think wickedness is the acceptable norm.) But it is still sin.

Before I became a Christian I sinned every morning without even realizing it.  I read my horoscope.  Then I read Deuteronomy 18 and I learned that reading my horoscope was sin. So I stopped reading it.

I told my mom – who taught me to read my horoscope every morning, who used to read it to me when I was a child – what I read in Deuteronomy. She said, “I know.” I was flabbergasted. She knew and she read it everyday anyway? That was rebellion. And wickedness because she was knowingly causing her children to displease God.

So what I was trying to say on Wednesday is that everyone sins. We all like sheep have gone astray. We all like dumb, clueless sheep have gone astray. Sheep aren’t wicked, they are just greatly in need of a Shepherd to guide and care for them. Lest they get lost and maimed.

And I would dare say that everyone is rebellious at times because none of us obey God perfectly, even when we know what He wants us to do/not do.

But I find no Scriptural support that everyone is wicked. That everyone has a mean side.

Jesus called some people – even some generations – wicked, but He did not call everyone wicked. And He didn’t preach self-condemnation. He preached from a place of compassion and restoration and gentleness. He led by positive example – showing us what His Father is like.  And that is what I would love to see some of the young bucks who climb the pulpit on Sunday morning do.

And that is what I would love to see the harsh doctrine-loving bloggers do: Lead by gentle, loving example. Without all the browbeating.

The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

What about you guys? Would you say that you are ever mean or cruel? I’m guessing the majority of you are not.

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life, Light

Compliment, Coffee & Counseling

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A few weeks ago I had a dream – actually it was probably the mother-of-a-child-working-on-her-masters-in-counseling-degree’s worst nightmare:  I dreamed that my daughter read a book for one of her classes and discovered that I had done every parenting thing wrong.

So imagine my delight yesterday when my daughter and I returned home after walking our dogs and she said, “You have really healthy REBT.”

“Oh, wow, thanks!,” I replied.   “What’s REBT again?”

“Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy”  (When she said it we both knew it doesn’t make sense to say one has healthy REBT, but you know what she meant.)

“You can tell me about it over coffee,” I said.

While she sipped her vanilla latte and I sipped my chai tea latte, she explained:  Emotionally healthy people have unconditional acceptance of themselves, of others and of life. She gave me some examples.

I asked her what the unhealthy flip side looks like.

She said people who aren’t emotionally healthy become easily rattled.  They must have a problem free life.  If they don’t they think, “This is terrible, I can’t stand it,” and they become anxious.

When we returned home from the coffee shop, she left for class and I googled Rational, Emotive, Behavior Therapy because it has been over 30 years since I was in school and I needed a refresher.   Plus I’m always curious about everything.

So here’s REBT in a nutshell:

According to Albert Ellis, the founder of REBT, how we react to situations is not determined by the situation itself, but by our belief about the situation.  He developed a simple ABC format to explain:

A. Something happens.
B. You have a belief about the situation.
C. You have an emotional reaction to the belief.

A does not cause C, B causes C.

When people react with anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, rage, passive-aggression, acts of violence, self-pity or procrastination it is not because something bad happened, it is because they have one or more of the following faulty beliefs:

1.  I must do well and win the approval of others for my performances or else I am no good.

2.  Other people must treat me considerately, fairly and kindly, and in exactly the way I want them to treat me. If they don’t, they are no good and they deserve to be condemned and punished.

3.  I must get what I want, when I want it; and I must not get what I don’t want. It’s terrible if I don’t get what I want, and I can’t stand it.

The more rigid and demanding the belief, the unhealthier the reaction.

When I was growing up, I noticed a pattern with one of my sisters.  She would make a new friend, put her on a pedestal, talk about her in glowing terms for a week or so, admiring everything she said and did.  Then, when the friend did any little thing that was not in accordance with how my sister believed a perfect person should act, she became angry, upset, rattled, and the friend was suddenly horrible, worthless, cast aside.  NEVER to be forgiven.  She was definitely operating out of faulty belief #2.

I know a woman who can’t quite come to Jesus.  She has toyed with the idea, but she just won’t admit that she needs a Savior.  She has way too much pride for that.  Too much intelligence for that, she has said.

But I think the truth is that she has had too much childhood abuse for that.  I don’t know exactly what she endured.  Perhaps it was not all that much compared to some, but to her it was enough to prepay any sin she would ever commit in her life.  And she has committed plenty of sins.

But she won’t admit it, she won’t say she’s sorry for anything because she seems to believe that the abuse she suffered has earned her a pass.

God owes her.

I think she might be operating out of faulty belief #3.  God, life must be fair, must make sense, must be kind to her.  If it isn’t, then she can behave however she wants.  Doesn’t matter who she hurts.  She just can’t accept that life is unfair – especially to her.

A few lines from a Keith Green song sum up faulty belief #1 pretty well:

“My son, my son why are you striving?
You can’t add one thing to what’s been done for you.
I did it all while I was dying.
Rest in your faith my peace will come to you.”

The goal of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy is to transform faulty beliefs into unconditional acceptance:

Unconditional self-acceptance:

1. I am a fallible human being; I have my good points and my bad points.
2. There is no reason why I must not have flaws.
3. Despite my good points and my bad points, I am no more worthy and no less worthy than any other human being.

Unconditional other-acceptance:

1. Other people will treat me unfairly from time to time.
2. There is no reason why they must treat me fairly.
3. The people who treat me unfairly are no more worthy and no less worthy than any other human being.

Unconditional life-acceptance:

1. Life doesn’t always work out the way that I’d like it to.
2. There is no reason why life must go the way I want it to.
3. Life is not necessarily pleasant but it is never awful and it is nearly always bearable.

Perhaps my unconditional self-acceptance is the reason I have trouble wallowing in the self-condemnation I wrote about yesterday.  And probably tomorrow.

And to give credit where credit is due, here’s where I got my info:

http://www.rebtnetwork.org/whatis.html

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Bad Acting

There are some Christians who believe that we are all born bad.  We’re born with a sin nature and, therefore, we’re rotten to the core.  It’s what I was taught as a Christian.

I remember one of the women in my Young Marrieds Sunday School class saying something like, “There’s no question in my mind that we are born bad, all I have to do is look at the selfish demands of my kids.”  She had an infant and a toddler at the time.  I had a newborn and as I looked at my sweet baby, I was confused.  Yes, she made selfish demands, she was a baby.  Selfish demands are age appropriate for an infant.  They are necessary for an infant’s survival.

Maybe her toddler was a terror, but mine wasn’t.  Mine was kindhearted, reasonable and sweet – like her mama.

I remember when the pendulum swung at my church from putting on your Sunday Best: a smile and the pretense that everything is wonderful – because we’re Christians so of course everything is wonderful – to letting it all hang out and lamenting that we are all wretched all the time.

As a result, I spent years trying to dig up my inner dirt.  Get in touch with my inner wretchedness.  I even tried to manufacture it where it didn’t exist just so I could be accepted into the wretched sinners club, lest I be accused of being “holier than thou” or in denial.

We were created in God’s image.  So how is it that we were created bad to the bone?

[My little beagle is barking in her sleep, her little legs running.  Cracks me up every time.]

Genesis 6 tells us, “The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. The Lord regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.”

The operative phrase is “had become”.  We weren’t born evil, we had become evil.  The Lord regretted making human beings on the earth, where His corrupting enemy lurked.

I have six sisters.  The sister who is one year older than me was not nice.  She often said very mean things to me.  She often said very untrue things about me to my mom.  She often said, “I will NEVER forgive you for that.”  For whatever minor infraction I had committed.

But I didn’t let her meanness corrupt my heart.  One night as I lay in my trundle bed and she lay in the bed slightly higher than mine, I thought that it must be miserable to be so mean.  I thought she might benefit from some loving kindness.  So when her arm flopped off her bed and dangled just above me, I took her hand and kissed it.  With a heart full of compassion, I kissed it.

She immediately snatched it away and called me a lesbian.  I didn’t know what a lesbian was, but I knew by her tone that it was an insult.  And I knew that she wouldn’t/couldn’t choose the way of kindness.  Perhaps she was born mean.

I have a nephew who was born very artistically talented.  When he was two years old he produced amazing drawings for someone of his age.  But they were dark.  He drew pictures of scary looking creatures with blood dripping from their fangs.  The drawings were very disturbing to me.  I mentioned my concern to my mom but she just laughed it off.  Said it was a boy thing.  I had no brothers and didn’t know much about boy things so I accepted her answer.  But my spirit was uneasy.  Adolescence brought the onset of mental illness for him.  He is 30 now and he is still an amazing artist and I think he was born with demons.  But I don’t think he was born bad.  He was a very sweet boy and he is a kind man.  But he has demons.

Maybe some people are born mean and maybe some people are born nice, but with demons and maybe some people are born nice without demons and maybe some people are born nice but the corruption of the evil one made them all evil all the time.

And maybe some were born resilient to the corruption of the evil one.  When I was a social worker I read an article entitled “The Resilient Child”.  The article observed that some children can suffer a lot of abuse and come out relatively unscathed – even stronger and kinder for it – and others can suffer very little and be disproportionately damaged.

I haven’t found a one-size-fits-all explanation, so I look to what Jesus said:

“The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away.  When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

“The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’

“‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.

“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’

“‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them.  Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”

Jude told us that there is both wheat and weeds in the church.  Unfortunately, some of the young pastors at my church preach as though we are all weeds.  They stand up on Sunday morning and accuse us all of being lazy, miserable sinners who don’t spend time with God, don’t obey Him, forget about Him the minute we leave church and spend the other six days of the week following our own selfish paths.  And I sit there and think, “Speak for yourself.”

And stop yelling at me.

Because I am old enough and mature enough in my faith to tell the truth about myself.  And the truth is, I am a nice person.  I am not going to act like I’m not nice in order to fit into someone’s doctrine.  I’m far from perfect.  I have hurt many people’s feelings over the years, but not with malice.  My sister has been battling cancer for almost six years.  Battling hard.  I’m sure I have hurt her feelings by not calling more often.  But I am afraid to call because she feels so miserable after chemo that I don’t want my call to awaken her if she is sleeping.  Because sleep is her only relief.  So I forgive myself for sometimes making the wrong decision when I weigh her hurt feelings against her physical misery.

And I am often too absorbed in my own thoughts while I am cooking dinner to listen to my hubby tell me about his day.  And even though he doesn’t say so – because he is a genuinely nice guy – I’m sure it hurts his feelings; makes him feel unvalued.  And sometimes I don’t listen to my daughter right away when she comes home in the evening because I’m watching The Middle.  And I love The Middle.  The mom in The Middle makes us all look pretty darn good.  But she cares.  And she admits she is a lazy, lazy parent.  She has true humility.

True humility is not considering yourself a miserable wretch.  True humility is having an accurate assessment of your strengths and weaknesses.  And then being humble enough to admit those weaknesses not just to yourself, but to others.  And then apologize.  When you can admit to yourself that you have weaknesses, you don’t have to waste your energy maintaining and defending an image of perfection.

So I guess what I am asking you fiery young pastors and other such accusers is: Why can’t you just let some of us be imperfectly nice people – ordinary sinners, not wicked, rebellious sinners?  Maybe nice isn’t possible for you, maybe your thought are only evil all the time, but mine aren’t.

And if you really believe that at our core we are all wretched sinners – no matter how long we’ve been sitting in that pew – then what is the point of sitting on the pew?

And what does that say about Jesus’s ability to conform us into His image?  About His ability to complete the good work He began in us?

The second I press publish, I will be violating my “only one post per day” rule.  Better add “talks too much” to my list of sins.

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